The Charity Gangs in the Street!

What you need to do if you want to avoid charity workers in the street and not give money to them!

One day as I was walking down the high street I get an approach by a guy from the charity brigade. You know the guys with the massive anorak thats brightly lit up showing the massive logo on the back making sure you know what charity they are from. Okay I'm all for charity and giving to charity but when they hound you in the middle of the street they make you feel that you are obliged to give.

We have all done it before to try and avoid them by pretending that we are on the phone to some imaginary parent that we once all so wanted. Anyway so I'm trying the trick but before I even get to my phone quick enough I make eye contact. A massive no no for the Charity avoiding community! Once you've made eye contact they are reeling you in like you were some kind of overly keen fish just waiting to hear the sob story of the charity you are about to get bombarded with. So your reeled in and the story of famine and despair slowly start filling your head from just one little nicety like

" Hey mate can I just take a moment of your time, I wana talk to you a lil bit about ......."

So they they reel you in with a lil nice comment make you feel a lil more better now that the fact you made eye contact with a member of the charity brigade. So after the nicety the despair and then finally what we all dread. Bam it will cost so and so each month. So not only have you been reeled in by a pair of charity seducing eyes but now they are trying to get you to give money to a charity that could be probably be one of the most obscure charities that you could have ever heard of.

So I'm now standing there trying not to feel guilty and at the same time thinking how can I get away from this situation? Then look to my side low and behold there is a tramp, hobo or should I say a homeless guy sitting there needing actual charity.

This is my queue to place the guilt on the charity worker that always seem to be the ones that are doing good and are invincible from actually giving to charity, self righteous tw*ts. Don't even get me started on the guys that use this job as a potential to pick up the women. Hey get a grip mate just because your the guy that is working for charity doesn't mean your charitable you sleaze bag!

So I look at the homeless guy on the ground and the light bulb moment here guys. I say to the evil charity worker I've just given some money to the homeless guy or even better I tell the charity worker to hold on a sec while I give the homeless guy a quid. OKAY it's not a lot but you do hear about the guys that pretend to be homeless therefore I justify given a quid. As the last thing you want is given the guy that extra quid to pay for his petrol after a hard day begging! Could Begging actually be hard though as your sitting there lacking in pride and hygiene in freezing conditions racking in the pennies getting abuse off the school kids walking past. Thinking about it they sound like there more hard working than the people claiming benefits, at least the tramps out there are actually actively looking to make money! But a minority of people claiming are just sitting at home doing f*ck all. So I think I may have just convinced myself that Tramps are more justified than the average lazy benefit seeking scumbags!

So now I have just come up with the conclusion don't pay your tax to the lazy benefit scumbags out there but give it to the tramps who are actively looking to make money....... hopefully not for there drug habit!

After pointing out this tramp guy and giving him the quid I then go back to the Charity robot. I'm now in control as the guy is standing there and he has this look on his face like how do I get him to give to charity.

Before he even opens his mouth I say to him

"Charity always starts at home doesn't it"

Still bemused with what I said and slightly confused on what to do next, I then tell him

"Why don't you try giving to the homeless guy it will make you feel better instead of taking from the unsuspecting public"

Again still slightly confused and not knowing what to do, I then proceed to go but tell him

"Anyway I must dash I did have a phone call that I was about to take before you interrupted me, I wonder what my mom wanted to ring me about? See ya later, don't forget charity begins at home."