Nail clipping on a bus

So your sat on the bus and you hear the sound of nail clippers. Not sure if this is wat im hearing so i take a look. Low and behold the guy is proper getting stuck in clippy cllip clip.

Ok theres a time and place for that. Why on a bus? Im just glad i aint the person sat in front of them. As with nails you always get the few stradlers that seem to fly off. The last thing i want is going to wrk with bits of someone else' nail clippings in my hair.

Im just glad he aint cutting his toe nails. Last thing i wana see in the morning is a guy mounting his leg up, bearing his feet. Then bring out the big boy clippers and start hammering away like he was on a builders yard. Nothing worse than big nail clippings flying around on a bus.

A mother that should be on Jeremy Kyle

So my friend was telling me about how a customer was in the shop with her down syndrome kid and was constantly taking the piss out of her. What would you do in this situation? Why take the piss out of your child, it's another human being. From what my friend was telling me the woman was constantly having a little dig at her daughter poking fun at her every chance she could.

What this tells me is that either the mother is very insecure and she is just not fit to be a mother and should not be one. The Dad wasn't doing anything but do you know what takes the piss even more. When the parent is about to purchase an item from the store the mother starts saying more stuff about the child trying to get her to say 'Timmy'. If you are unfamiliar with the term look it up on south park.

What kind of sick parent is this?! Her other daughter was acting more like a mother to the child as appose to the mother saying.

"Mom you can't say that, why are you doing that for"

So with a mother clearly destined for Jeremy Kyle and a Daughter clearly knowing how you should act towards your child with a disability. You need to put the Mom in a situation where she is poked fun at and made to feel like an outcast! This is where Jeremy comes in and this is probably the only time I would condone his bully boy tactics on TV.

So bring on the Prime time edition and I am sure plenty of people will want to see that mother get a grilling off Jezza! (Grilling not in the way some of you lads out there would think either ;-))

The Charity Gangs in the Street!

What you need to do if you want to avoid charity workers in the street and not give money to them!

One day as I was walking down the high street I get an approach by a guy from the charity brigade. You know the guys with the massive anorak thats brightly lit up showing the massive logo on the back making sure you know what charity they are from. Okay I'm all for charity and giving to charity but when they hound you in the middle of the street they make you feel that you are obliged to give.

We have all done it before to try and avoid them by pretending that we are on the phone to some imaginary parent that we once all so wanted. Anyway so I'm trying the trick but before I even get to my phone quick enough I make eye contact. A massive no no for the Charity avoiding community! Once you've made eye contact they are reeling you in like you were some kind of overly keen fish just waiting to hear the sob story of the charity you are about to get bombarded with. So your reeled in and the story of famine and despair slowly start filling your head from just one little nicety like

" Hey mate can I just take a moment of your time, I wana talk to you a lil bit about ......."

So they they reel you in with a lil nice comment make you feel a lil more better now that the fact you made eye contact with a member of the charity brigade. So after the nicety the despair and then finally what we all dread. Bam it will cost so and so each month. So not only have you been reeled in by a pair of charity seducing eyes but now they are trying to get you to give money to a charity that could be probably be one of the most obscure charities that you could have ever heard of.

So I'm now standing there trying not to feel guilty and at the same time thinking how can I get away from this situation? Then look to my side low and behold there is a tramp, hobo or should I say a homeless guy sitting there needing actual charity.

This is my queue to place the guilt on the charity worker that always seem to be the ones that are doing good and are invincible from actually giving to charity, self righteous tw*ts. Don't even get me started on the guys that use this job as a potential to pick up the women. Hey get a grip mate just because your the guy that is working for charity doesn't mean your charitable you sleaze bag!

So I look at the homeless guy on the ground and the light bulb moment here guys. I say to the evil charity worker I've just given some money to the homeless guy or even better I tell the charity worker to hold on a sec while I give the homeless guy a quid. OKAY it's not a lot but you do hear about the guys that pretend to be homeless therefore I justify given a quid. As the last thing you want is given the guy that extra quid to pay for his petrol after a hard day begging! Could Begging actually be hard though as your sitting there lacking in pride and hygiene in freezing conditions racking in the pennies getting abuse off the school kids walking past. Thinking about it they sound like there more hard working than the people claiming benefits, at least the tramps out there are actually actively looking to make money! But a minority of people claiming are just sitting at home doing f*ck all. So I think I may have just convinced myself that Tramps are more justified than the average lazy benefit seeking scumbags!

So now I have just come up with the conclusion don't pay your tax to the lazy benefit scumbags out there but give it to the tramps who are actively looking to make money....... hopefully not for there drug habit!

After pointing out this tramp guy and giving him the quid I then go back to the Charity robot. I'm now in control as the guy is standing there and he has this look on his face like how do I get him to give to charity.

Before he even opens his mouth I say to him

"Charity always starts at home doesn't it"

Still bemused with what I said and slightly confused on what to do next, I then tell him

"Why don't you try giving to the homeless guy it will make you feel better instead of taking from the unsuspecting public"

Again still slightly confused and not knowing what to do, I then proceed to go but tell him

"Anyway I must dash I did have a phone call that I was about to take before you interrupted me, I wonder what my mom wanted to ring me about? See ya later, don't forget charity begins at home."

When the Homeless are picky!

OK guys its been a very long time since I have written my observational blogs but am going to start again. So for those that liked my blogs from before they will be back WHOOOP WHOOP!

Setting:

In a train station, in the waiting area eating a burger king meal waiting for the train. Then homeless guy comes from nowhere to ask for change but instead offer some of my food.

So heres the situation I'm at the train station its in the evening and I think to myself theres no way I'll be able to get a proper meal in me by the time I get home. So I decide on getting one of those XL meals for burger king not realising just the burger would have filled me up. So I go to the waiting area for the trains etc. I there eating my meal halfway through my burger and feeling slightly stuff but need to finish it, to justify the price I paid for this beast of a burger. Strangest thing though I'm sure that they hike the prices at the stations, so you'd be pretty f*cked if you saved up a certain amount in the day thinking yeah I'll get a burger king before I get on the train. Then you realise you get to the station and the prices are a couple quid more than the normal fast food place. Then your like F*UCK I can only get the chicken bites, what the fuck I am gonna do with chicken bites they barely feed the dog let alone me. I came here thinking I would get a substantial amount of meat in me, not the chicken giblets covered in breadcrumbs that are probably stale!

Lucky for me that day I had the right amount enough for that XL meal, but whilst eating it I'm like pretty stuffed and I only had half the burger and some of the fries. Maybe I should have mixed it up a little and got the small burger with the bread covered chicken giblets. So I'm sat there eating this meal and then I notice a homeless guy, at first I thought it was just a black guy with baggy pants and high top trainers that just forgot his belt hence practically hanging off his arse.

Then as he got closer actually realised he was a homeless guy, he wasn't trying to set a trend with the baggy jeans round the arse that you see a lot of these days from the youth. His toes practically hanging out of trainers and if his trousers were any lower something else would be hanging out.

So the tramp starts walking in the waiting area he asks a couple of people for some money for a coffee. He then decides to sit by me and asks me if I could spare some change. Without thinking I offer my fries as I was feeling pretty stuffed. Guess what the reply was

"No thanks I'm OKAY"

Clearly he isn't OK as he is asking people for some spare change for coffee. Since when have the homeless become picky I sat there bewildered thinking. Did he just turn down my fries, it was like half a pack any one of my mates would have snapped that right up straight away. So sat there for a good minute after he rejected my perfectly good fries still hot might I add! I thought hang on he wants coffee, whats the best thing to a coffee I'll offer my Pepsi, see what happens then. So I say to the guy

"How about my drink, I'm not really thirsty anymore, there's still quite a bit"

So now it sounds like I'm negotiating with the tramp, offering my goods as though this train station is a trading post. I'm just hoping he isn't gonna trade me those pants. So he looks at me with this surprised look as though I have just taken the piss, I first offer the Fries and now I offer the Drink. I'm just dicing with death, front page of the local paper

"GUY GETS ATTACKED BY LOCAL TRAMP, as he didn't want fries or pepsi. But a COFFEE!"

So there I am offering my goods to the tramp and to my surprise he accepts and I'm thinking that is noway close to a coffee. That pepsi is cold and I'm sure it had extra ice. Turns down fries, but accepts a cold pepsi, pretty picky for a hobo.

There he is drinking my Pepsi sat there and now he is trying to make small talk. I'm sat there thinking hang on mate you turn down my fries but drink my drink and now you wana talk to me. I feel like I'm at a really bad dinner party where the guest doesn't accept the food I have prepared. OK probably not the most similar situation but still he could have at least tried to eat the fries. Even when he finished up that drink of mine could have ate the fries.

So he drinks the drink and tries to make small talk, but I don't so I get my bag and pull out my book. OK I made a lil small talk seeing as he was by me plus I wanted the bag nearer me last thing I wanted to do was trade my bag!

So he asks me when my train is due I told him like 20 mins as I don't really wana be hanging out with the local hobo's. He is sat there for another 5 minutes of awkwardness and so he decides it's time for him to leave. Guess what he is actually grateful for my drink in his exact words

"Thank you for the drink, God bless you!"

The picky homeless guy said thank you and blessed me check that out. I wonder what the others in the waiting room thought of that. Maybe if they had a sandwich could have traded that.

After he left it got me thinking if I had that 50p would he still have wanted that coffee, personally I would have gone for a Hot Chocolate!

Observational James

The New Year is finally HERE!!

Happy New Year Everybody!

It's 2010, OK I'm a couple days late writing this but this is Observation James' new years message and goals for the new year.

If any of you read my Christmas message this is just a follow on from that really and what I will be doing in this new year.

OK to start off I'll write down my last year goals and which ones I actually achieved:

1. Sort Life OUT!

2. Get a job in the media

3. Get documentary sorted out a.k.a Travelling man

4. Sort out finances

5. Eat better + stay fit

6. be productive with each day

7. get better with after effects, photoshop etc.

OK those were my goals last year and here's how I did:

1. well I'm getting there

2. I have got a job in the media. Just a start in something bigger!

3. OK the documentary is on hold due to situations at home but like I said it's just a start in something bigger

4.My finances are well on to the road of recovery lol

5. OK I have tried to eat better but due to my job my eating and fitness regime is slightly all over the place

6. I am more productive with each day trying not to waste a day.

7. I am improving a lot with these programs but still I gotta push myself.

So what for 2010:

1. Sort life out as it is an ongoing thing lol

2. Achieve something great

3. make more of an effort with family and friends not forgetting the other half lol

4. live in my own place

5. Do one little thing to help someone else

6. Actually help with some house work

7. Actually do some exercise and eat more healthy

8. Be a bit more honest with people, not saying that I'm a liar it's just if I have something on my mind why not say it instead of keeping it in!

So your probably looking at these and thinking OK some are mediocre and some are like whoa James your slightly crazy. But I reckon if you strive to be a better person you will reach your full potential. The last one is more of a personal thing so people this year just watch yourself you may get the brunt of my full honesty and frankly my dear I just don't give a damn!

So if any of you want to ask me any questions on my new years goals or you find this life changing lol just give me and email yeah on

james.taylor1985@gmail.com

O yeah one more thing I will be writing more blogs this year and I will keep it updated!

From

Observation James

:-)

James Taylor's Alternative Christmas Message

MERRRRRYYYY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

It's a chilly Christmas day and we have all got up and opened our gifts. For those that normally read my blogs you would have noticed that I haven't written one in a while. I'VE JUST BEEN TOO DAMN BUSY!

anyway back to the Blog and Christmas Message:

How can I sum up the year well its been a bit of a funny one that has had so many things happen in the public eye with most notably with the death of an iconic pop star, Michael Jackson R.I.P. Also the end of a reality TV program that went on for far too long, Big Brother (did anyone actually watch it?) Simon Cowell and his money making X-Factor but with the public proving to be the real winners making sure he didn't make his product become number 1! Instead rage against the machine hit that top spot with the hit "killing in the name". Just goes to show at the end of the day we have final say all it takes is one lil group on facebook to potentially ruin someone. This year has shown that times are changing and people are able to do what they really want to do all it takes is effort and thought. Especially in times of hardship with the recession and credit crunch people are able to pull together and help each other out, one sacrifice can make the bigger difference. Again this year has shown that we need to make a big change with our "carbon footprint" the floods in Cumbria and crazy shon and ice we have recently had. It shows sooner or later this will become the norm even if we make a change now it's got so far that it may need drastic measures just to make even the small difference.

So as you may have read and thought to yourself this year has a bit of a gloomy year, you think to yourself and there must be one point this year that has made you think. Hey this happened to me and that was great.

So what does the new year hold for us, well only you have the real control on what you do. What I'm going to do and probably suggest to you is try and be selfless, think about the other guy, think about the guy that doesn't get the credit the praise that they deserve. The year 2010 will be the year of the small guy. When I say small I don't as in height lol I mean the unsung hero of society, the person that does the little thing that makes the bigger difference. Think to yourself the next time someone offers you a big issue, you buy it? This little gesture can make one difference. As we have recently seen, people have the power to change something and reach there potential. There is always time to reach your goal and you must strive to reach it no matter what. As long as you have hope you can reach it! There will be times that are going to test you but there will be times that you need support and this is where your friends and yourself come into play you must not forget who your friends are and vice versa. As these are the people that you should truly be able to talk to if you have a problem. One grudge forget about it, talk about it, it could be a blessing in disguise.

One last thing that I will mention is your family don't take them for granted, personally this year has been quite a testing time when it comes to family, it may be the same situation for others that are reading this. But one thing is family is important and even though they can be a pain which I can vouch lol sometimes your pride gets in the way and you need to let it go to look at the bigger picture!

This is James Taylor and that was my Christmas Message. I know it sounds a bit depressing but hey ain't the queens message a lil depressing lol. So by reading this I hope that it has hit a part of you that strikes a chord and it makes you think. If not then fair enough live how you want to. I hope that this message doesn't sound preachy, that's the last thing I want to sound like that crazy guy in town preaching.

Merry Christmas

Observation James

:-)

So It's been a while!!

Hey you GUYYYYYYSSSSSSSSS! As said by the one and only SLOTH from Goonies! I'm back yep thats rite observation JAMES.

I know your probably be thinking man where the hell have you been its been like 5 months lol.

well in case your wondering in the past few months I have actually got my act together and really sorted my life out lol. I'm sticking to my news years goals. If you remember from earlier past like say In January lol.

OK I may have lied a lil there I have stuck to a couple I will list the ones I'm not doing:

- Eat better and stay fit. Again this is a half truth here as 1. I am eating but not just as healthy as I had hoped, even though I eat more fruit ( big thumbs up there) 2. I've stopped going gym but, now its a big BUT.....

I EXERCISE USING THE WII FIT!!!!!!!!!!! and play footy lol

I can now do half moon! (yoga lovers will know what that is. Yep it's the easy one lol)

- Doing the Doc, due to circumstances I have not been able to do the travelling man adventures but I will do it, I told too many people to just back out lol. So I'm sticking to my guns and will one day travel on bus from top to toe of the UK.

So 2 out of 7 that I have not achieved so far says I'm sticking to it. For all you guys out there I finally managed to get a job in the media and I'm enjoying it part from the drive from Scotland back home and arriving at 3 in the Morning. Guess what I'm killing 2 birds with 1 stone I'm being productive everyday as I have to work. My new years goals is just pure genius as I can complete one part from another by getting a job lol.

OK OK as I am observation James who writes down what he sees I guess I'll have to write something down on my observations well the topic that I will put down that I have noticed are:

PEOPLE THAT SMELL ON THE BUS!!!

Bloody hell how hard is it to just freshen up, are buses beacons for the down and outs of society who could not afford to splash a lil bit of water on themselves. It doesn't help when the radiator is on full blast in the middle of summer it just puts the smell factor from a 9 - a 900. What is the deal with that man. Either people have no shame and don't care or there is a new fragrance out that I'm missing out on called

SCENT OF URINE, with the tag line. For all your toilet needs.

my final advice before I go for those of us that at least smells half decent if your ever on a bus with a riffer see it you can beat the smell by letting a sneaky one out.
THAT CAN BE MY CHALLENGE TO YOU.

I know it's been a while but I will make sure I do this regularly

bye bye people

Observation James
:-)