Monday 28 March 2011

A mother that should be on Jeremy Kyle

So my friend was telling me about how a customer was in the shop with her down syndrome kid and was constantly taking the piss out of her. What would you do in this situation? Why take the piss out of your child, it's another human being. From what my friend was telling me the woman was constantly having a little dig at her daughter poking fun at her every chance she could.

What this tells me is that either the mother is very insecure and she is just not fit to be a mother and should not be one. The Dad wasn't doing anything but do you know what takes the piss even more. When the parent is about to purchase an item from the store the mother starts saying more stuff about the child trying to get her to say 'Timmy'. If you are unfamiliar with the term look it up on south park.

What kind of sick parent is this?! Her other daughter was acting more like a mother to the child as appose to the mother saying.

"Mom you can't say that, why are you doing that for"

So with a mother clearly destined for Jeremy Kyle and a Daughter clearly knowing how you should act towards your child with a disability. You need to put the Mom in a situation where she is poked fun at and made to feel like an outcast! This is where Jeremy comes in and this is probably the only time I would condone his bully boy tactics on TV.

So bring on the Prime time edition and I am sure plenty of people will want to see that mother get a grilling off Jezza! (Grilling not in the way some of you lads out there would think either ;-))

Sunday 20 March 2011

The Charity Gangs in the Street!

What you need to do if you want to avoid charity workers in the street and not give money to them!


One day as I was walking down the high street I get an approach by a guy from the charity brigade. You know the guys with the massive anorak thats brightly lit up showing the massive logo on the back making sure you know what charity they are from. Okay I'm all for charity and giving to charity but when they hound you in the middle of the street they make you feel that you are obliged to give.


We have all done it before to try and avoid them by pretending that we are on the phone to some imaginary parent that we once all so wanted. Anyway so I'm trying the trick but before I even get to my phone quick enough I make eye contact. A massive no no for the Charity avoiding community! Once you've made eye contact they are reeling you in like you were some kind of overly keen fish just waiting to hear the sob story of the charity you are about to get bombarded with. So your reeled in and the story of famine and despair slowly start filling your head from just one little nicety like


" Hey mate can I just take a moment of your time, I wana talk to you a lil bit about ......."


So they they reel you in with a lil nice comment make you feel a lil more better now that the fact you made eye contact with a member of the charity brigade. So after the nicety the despair and then finally what we all dread. Bam it will cost so and so each month. So not only have you been reeled in by a pair of charity seducing eyes but now they are trying to get you to give money to a charity that could be probably be one of the most obscure charities that you could have ever heard of.


So I'm now standing there trying not to feel guilty and at the same time thinking how can I get away from this situation? Then look to my side low and behold there is a tramp, hobo or should I say a homeless guy sitting there needing actual charity.


This is my queue to place the guilt on the charity worker that always seem to be the ones that are doing good and are invincible from actually giving to charity, self righteous tw*ts. Don't even get me started on the guys that use this job as a potential to pick up the women. Hey get a grip mate just because your the guy that is working for charity doesn't mean your charitable you sleaze bag!


So I look at the homeless guy on the ground and the light bulb moment here guys. I say to the evil charity worker I've just given some money to the homeless guy or even better I tell the charity worker to hold on a sec while I give the homeless guy a quid. OKAY it's not a lot but you do hear about the guys that pretend to be homeless therefore I justify given a quid. As the last thing you want is given the guy that extra quid to pay for his petrol after a hard day begging! Could Begging actually be hard though as your sitting there lacking in pride and hygiene in freezing conditions racking in the pennies getting abuse off the school kids walking past. Thinking about it they sound like there more hard working than the people claiming benefits, at least the tramps out there are actually actively looking to make money! But a minority of people claiming are just sitting at home doing f*ck all. So I think I may have just convinced myself that Tramps are more justified than the average lazy benefit seeking scumbags!


So now I have just come up with the conclusion don't pay your tax to the lazy benefit scumbags out there but give it to the tramps who are actively looking to make money....... hopefully not for there drug habit!


After pointing out this tramp guy and giving him the quid I then go back to the Charity robot. I'm now in control as the guy is standing there and he has this look on his face like how do I get him to give to charity.


Before he even opens his mouth I say to him


"Charity always starts at home doesn't it"


Still bemused with what I said and slightly confused on what to do next, I then tell him


"Why don't you try giving to the homeless guy it will make you feel better instead of taking from the unsuspecting public"


Again still slightly confused and not knowing what to do, I then proceed to go but tell him


"Anyway I must dash I did have a phone call that I was about to take before you interrupted me, I wonder what my mom wanted to ring me about? See ya later, don't forget charity begins at home."

Thursday 17 March 2011

When the Homeless are picky!

OK guys its been a very long time since I have written my observational blogs but am going to start again. So for those that liked my blogs from before they will be back WHOOOP WHOOP!


Setting:


In a train station, in the waiting area eating a burger king meal waiting for the train. Then homeless guy comes from nowhere to ask for change but instead offer some of my food.


So heres the situation I'm at the train station its in the evening and I think to myself theres no way I'll be able to get a proper meal in me by the time I get home. So I decide on getting one of those XL meals for burger king not realising just the burger would have filled me up. So I go to the waiting area for the trains etc. I there eating my meal halfway through my burger and feeling slightly stuff but need to finish it, to justify the price I paid for this beast of a burger. Strangest thing though I'm sure that they hike the prices at the stations, so you'd be pretty f*cked if you saved up a certain amount in the day thinking yeah I'll get a burger king before I get on the train. Then you realise you get to the station and the prices are a couple quid more than the normal fast food place. Then your like F*UCK I can only get the chicken bites, what the fuck I am gonna do with chicken bites they barely feed the dog let alone me. I came here thinking I would get a substantial amount of meat in me, not the chicken giblets covered in breadcrumbs that are probably stale!


Lucky for me that day I had the right amount enough for that XL meal, but whilst eating it I'm like pretty stuffed and I only had half the burger and some of the fries. Maybe I should have mixed it up a little and got the small burger with the bread covered chicken giblets. So I'm sat there eating this meal and then I notice a homeless guy, at first I thought it was just a black guy with baggy pants and high top trainers that just forgot his belt hence practically hanging off his arse.


Then as he got closer actually realised he was a homeless guy, he wasn't trying to set a trend with the baggy jeans round the arse that you see a lot of these days from the youth. His toes practically hanging out of trainers and if his trousers were any lower something else would be hanging out.


So the tramp starts walking in the waiting area he asks a couple of people for some money for a coffee. He then decides to sit by me and asks me if I could spare some change. Without thinking I offer my fries as I was feeling pretty stuffed. Guess what the reply was


"No thanks I'm OKAY"


Clearly he isn't OK as he is asking people for some spare change for coffee. Since when have the homeless become picky I sat there bewildered thinking. Did he just turn down my fries, it was like half a pack any one of my mates would have snapped that right up straight away. So sat there for a good minute after he rejected my perfectly good fries still hot might I add! I thought hang on he wants coffee, whats the best thing to a coffee I'll offer my Pepsi, see what happens then. So I say to the guy


"How about my drink, I'm not really thirsty anymore, there's still quite a bit"


So now it sounds like I'm negotiating with the tramp, offering my goods as though this train station is a trading post. I'm just hoping he isn't gonna trade me those pants. So he looks at me with this surprised look as though I have just taken the piss, I first offer the Fries and now I offer the Drink. I'm just dicing with death, front page of the local paper


"GUY GETS ATTACKED BY LOCAL TRAMP, as he didn't want fries or pepsi. But a COFFEE!"


So there I am offering my goods to the tramp and to my surprise he accepts and I'm thinking that is noway close to a coffee. That pepsi is cold and I'm sure it had extra ice. Turns down fries, but accepts a cold pepsi, pretty picky for a hobo.


There he is drinking my Pepsi sat there and now he is trying to make small talk. I'm sat there thinking hang on mate you turn down my fries but drink my drink and now you wana talk to me. I feel like I'm at a really bad dinner party where the guest doesn't accept the food I have prepared. OK probably not the most similar situation but still he could have at least tried to eat the fries. Even when he finished up that drink of mine could have ate the fries.


So he drinks the drink and tries to make small talk, but I don't so I get my bag and pull out my book. OK I made a lil small talk seeing as he was by me plus I wanted the bag nearer me last thing I wanted to do was trade my bag!


So he asks me when my train is due I told him like 20 mins as I don't really wana be hanging out with the local hobo's. He is sat there for another 5 minutes of awkwardness and so he decides it's time for him to leave. Guess what he is actually grateful for my drink in his exact words


"Thank you for the drink, God bless you!"


The picky homeless guy said thank you and blessed me check that out. I wonder what the others in the waiting room thought of that. Maybe if they had a sandwich could have traded that.

After he left it got me thinking if I had that 50p would he still have wanted that coffee, personally I would have gone for a Hot Chocolate!


Observational James